Snarkastic

yesterday's news today

• newsy bit
• hate you, hate your face
• oooh, a lady!
• U-S-A! U-S-A!
• diabolically pleased with how this turned out
• Alabama gets EVERYTHING FUN.

a recovered email from October 2004

I was hunting for some poetry quote in my email archives tonight, and found this:

LIVIA [pointing at my bloody legs]: Remember how you laughed when I was on crutches? HAHAHAHAHA!!!
NASTINCHKA [trying and failing to get up and chase her]: Roses are red, violets are blue, vengeance is sweet, OH MY GOD MY FUCKING LEGS OWOWOWOWOW!!!!

I am mildly obsessed with my new balcony.

Little help here:

As a solar-powered life form, I've been all antsy about getting my balcony fixed up since I moved in, and now that it's not fifteen damn degrees outside (though 45 and raining is not much of an improvement), it's past time to get cracking. And I'm stuck. I have this completely empty space that I can do pretty much anything with, and after years of living without so much as a tomato plant I'm overwhelmed by choices and have no idea where to begin making it glorious and livable.

What I have to work with is very nice. It's a 9 X 12.5 rectangle tacked onto the front of my living room with thigh-high rails all the way around. As you can't really see in the pictures, I already put in a white beadboard ceiling and replaced some rotting floorboards with plywood. The only absolutely necessary task remaining is the rest of floor itself, which needs to be stripped and painted to match all over, preferably not the nasty brick red it is now.

Which leaves ... everything else, pretty much. Here's what I'm looking to fill the space with, eventually:

Continue reading "I am mildly obsessed with my new balcony."

further gratuitous puppyparkpictures

Continue reading "further gratuitous puppyparkpictures"

they pay me for this

Mothership: Greg Paulus FIGHT Jimmy Clausen FIGHT, Kentucky athletics are rill dumm, and they call him Mister Cobble because that is his name.

Purple Y! Ranch: News, news, news, bald news.

Sunday In The Park With DOG FAIL

Things happening at once in this photo: Dolla Bill trying to anchor the towel before the gusty winds could do away with our lolling surface, me trying to reel Jenna back in so I could take her off the damn leash already, and Champ deciding the best way to be helpful in this situation was to just nuzzle himself into the nearest available crevice. We clearly have some conditioning drills to master before we're ready for warm weather.

mothership squared

Like I said yesterday, Doug and I are running things over at the Purple Y! this week. He's handling all the fun juicy things like a boss, so here's what I've been slinging at SBN in the meantime:

• Aaaall the Husky Ladies!
• I mean, sure, if you like your women born on the backs of tractors.
• Russian national rageaholics > British national grumps
• And here's the post where I have a commenter inform me that Scott Fujita going to Cleveland is punishment for him speaking out on gay rights.
• Live by the waterfront in Vancouver or the city get it, see?
• Tom Osborne stamps his filly feet

"All I Know"

I haven't watched Nip/Tuck in about three years, but it's really comforting to know Ryan Murphy knew exactly which episode to call back to for the finale.

Will you look at that? I never would've guessed they'd use this again, but they knew where they got it right and best.

"I'm drinking a delicious cocktail, based on the novel TOO DRUNK TO FUCK, by Sapphire."

While there's a lull in the fiyah Doug and I are dropping over at the Purple Y! this week ... remember that time Bill Condon did the Oscars and they were fabulous and classic and so very chic? Because that was last year. What a listless evening. The Awards shouldn't have to depend upon ballot upsets to make for compelling television.

As far as those upsets go: Sandra Bullock was in Crash. I am agog, I am aghast, and we should've seen this coming. And FUCK YEAH KATHRYN BIGELOW. From Drew, via Sarah:

"The Hurt Locker' happened to be directed by a woman, and that's the way it should be. She's a storyteller. You look back at her career, and it's not the career that female filmmakers are supposed to pursue. She has always been attracted to stories about characters who live on the edge, people who push themselves to extremes. She's made movies that interest her, movies that stand defiantly outside any easy box, and as a result, this win tonight feels like it is more than a win for her, and more than a win for women in general. It is a win for the demolition of assumptions based on gender or race or background. It is an message that storytelling is about being true to yourself and the story you want to tell, and I sincerely hope that all over the world, every young person who wants to grow up and direct is looking at the awards tonight and thinking, "That could be me."

To the awards distributed last night, I would add some sort of endurance medal for the poor, beleagured-con-gusto Sherlock Holmes musicians, and a special jury prize for achievement in sound entertainment to Doug for leading the Birmingham Science Museum's IMAX crowd in a marimba-backed rendition of "Livin' on a Prayer" last summer that was ten times more entertaining than the three hours of "Will it Blend?" that followed. And next year, if we run the zoo, we're putting Keyboard Cat up in a box seat, Muppet-Show style, and letting his ass deal with staged lingering.

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR

Avatar

LIVIA: It is unusual for a movie to be so heavily nominated and yet receive zero acting nominations. Two prominent exceptions are "The Two Towers" and "Return of the King". Avatar isn't a trilogy (I pray), so they might take the opportunity to reward it while they have the chance. I didn't hate Avatar; it was extremely entertaining. However, it definitely didn't grab me the way it grabbed some other people.
NASTINCHKA: This is going to sound unbearably bratty, but I think there's a bigger picture with Avatar that's not getting as much attention as all the cash it's raking in. (And haters to the left: It is the height of indie snobdom to dismiss this thing because it made half a bil. Oxygen's pretty fucking popular, too, and entirely necessary.) And it's not a hard conclusion to get at: James Cameron has gone and changed the way movies are gonna get made. Again. If faced with a 10-screen multiplex showing all the Best Picture nominees, I'd make fast tracks for the Tarantino, but Avatar is the most important movie of the year. A vote for this film is a vote for the future, and if the future is apparently Dances With Wolves In Space, get me to my flying pterodactyl-horse.

Continue reading "BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR"

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker

NASTINCHKA: A QT upset here would be, well, an upset, but not surprising. I think the strength of the film's in the directing/editing, though.

Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, A Serious Man
NASTINCHKA: I love the Coens. I can't wait for True Grit. A Serious Man is about the fucking most intolerable thing of theirs I've ever seen. How can a movie be wankier than Burn After Reading? The answer may surprise you!


Pete Docter and Bob Peterson, Up
NASTINCHKA: Shit, are these the guys who brought every adult male I know to tears in the first segment? YOU MANIACS.


 Alessandro Camon and Oren Moverman, The Messenger

NASTINCHKA: [wah-waaaaaah horns] Boo, hiss, undeservement. Fin.

Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
NASTINCHKA: Magnifique. And he'll have a leg up, too, unless the Hurt Locker groundswell is even bigger than we think.

HEAD-SLAPPING, THEN NEIGHBOR-SLAPPING SNUB:
NASTINCHKA: Rian Johnson, Brothers Bloom. ONE-LEGGED CAT, you guys. Can't believe the lack of love this charmer got for its troubles. For Shame.

WINNER:
LIVIA: Inglourious Basterds. Striking and well developed. Like me.
NASTINCHKA: Like us.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY


Neil Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell, District 9
NASTINCHKA: I loved this to distraction, but that was due more to the effects and performances than anything on the page. Strong, strong story, though.


Nick Hornby, An Education
NASTINCHKA: Are we not, as a society, through with Nick Hornby yet? (And am I projecting my personal vendetta for Bret Easton Ellis onto every other remotely brahsome writer?)


Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell and Armando Iannucci, In the Loop
NASTINCHKA: In the Loop deserved about thirty nominations, but got only one. Fortunately, it was the one most deserved.


Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
NASTINCHKA: See comments re: Precious's editing nom. The power of this film is in the scary ladies. Also, it's the worst title ever and I patently refuse to type the entire thing out.


Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air
NASTINCHKA: [deep drawing in of breath, followed by inhumanly long hissing exhalation. AND I LIKED THE MOVIE.]

TOTALLY JUSTIFIABLE SNUB
NASTINCHKA: The Blind Side. THASSRIGHT.

WINNER
LIVIA: Up in the Air. Not really sure why their Oscar campaign crashed and burned this winter, but the screenplay category is still locked up for them.
NASTINCHKA: Because Jason Reitman is an irredeemable twat, hopefully. Still think he'll pull this one out given the field. It's not a Haggis-level blow, but it's rough.

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING

Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron, Avatar
LIVIA: Again, Cameron should clean up on the technicals.
NASTINCHKA: I can still remember the fit I pitched in our Tahoe chalet when Titanic picked up the editing statue. "NO EDITING AWARDS FOR MOVIES THAT ARE THREE HOURS LONG." I threw things. Also, I hated Titanic with the heat of a thousand suns. Obvs does not apply here.


 Continue reading "ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING"

BEST FOREIGN-LANGUAGE FILM

Ajami (Israel)
NASTINCHKA: I'm a bad geek. I've only seen one of these. And it wasn't this one. STUPID GEORGIA I HATE YOUR MOVIES.


A Prophet (France)
LIVIA: When we were in high school, we called Jay "The Prophet". The reason for this was a dream I had one night. In my dream, we were all at the prom when Jay showed up. Now, at this point, Jay had been gone from Webb for two years, and none of us were really close with him, so there was no reason for him to show up at prom, much less in my dream. For some reason, I was convinced I was pregnant, and for some reason, I told Dream Jay at the Dream Prom. His response was to put me on a plane that had a fully functional garden in the middle of it. He told me it would take me somewhere I would be protected. Upon waking, I told everyone about the dream. THE NEXT DAY, I walked in to get my parking space for the next year, and guess whose name was on the sheet right above the blank spot where I was about to sign? THAT'S RIGHT. He came back to Webb RIGHT after I had that dream. Now that I think about it, I'm the one who should have been called the prophet, not Jay; after all, I didn't get knocked up and sent away. In summary, WHAT THE FUCK?


 Continue reading "BEST FOREIGN-LANGUAGE FILM"

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SCORE)


Avatar

LIVIA: Here is where I must draw the line with Avatar technicals. This score was supremely irritating.

Fantastic Mr. Fox
NASTINCHKA: Will Wes Anderson's movies ever stop being too damn jaunty for their own good? Not here!


The Hurt Locker
NASTINCHKA: It's good music, but this film could've been done just as effectively with total silence. Maybe better.


Sherlock Holmes
NASTINCHKA: what. the hell. is this doing here in place of Michael Giacchino's Star Trek score?


Up
LIVIA: Light and subtle and lovely.

WINNER: Up.

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)

"Almost There," The Princess and the Frog

"Down in New Orleans," The Princess and the Frog

"Loin de Paname," Paris 36

"Take it All," Nine

"The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)," Crazy Heart

LIVIA: In a perfect world, "Almost There" would win for being the best Disney song since "Gaston", but I think Nine has made us all realize that this is not the most ideal of all universes. I'll go with "The Weary Kind", since you can't make a movie about a sad old musician without a sad old song.
NASTINCHKA: I wanted to love the Princess & the Frog music so much more than I did, but like I said earlier, I just can't pin down a blockbuster song in the thing. It's good; it's entertaining, but it's not the world-beating Menken of years past. Crazy Heart.

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS

Avatar

District 9

Star Trek

NASTINCHKA: What a year for big flashy nerdy blowin'-up movies, and what a year to not expand the VFX field. Ten Best Picture nominees and three films here means no Coraline, no 9, no The Box, no Knowing, no 2012, and Watchmen, and the awards are poorer for it.

WINNER: Avatar, for making a big dive-innable Sonic The Hedgehog world to get lost in.

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP


Il Divo

Star Trek

The Young Victoria

NASTINCHKA: I haven't seen this, but Livvy totally speaks Italian:
LIVIA: BIPPITY BOOPITY! (Imperious gesturing with hands) MEATBALLAH PARMIGIANA! LA BIPPA-BOOP!

LIVIA: Like it's really an achievement to pluck Winona Ryder's eyebrows.
NASTINCHKA: Special Achievement in Eric Bana Henna Art!

LIVIA: Again, making Emily Blunt look pretty is not really an intimidating task.
NASTINCHKA: Wait, Emily Blunt was in this?? Why didn't I see it?

WINNER: Star Trek, I guess? They can always scratch out MAKEUP for EDITING or whatever on the plaque.

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING

Avatar

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Star Trek

Up

WINNER: Is it a technical category? Is Avatar nominated? Done. If this is sounding rote by now, it should. They should just install the entire crew on flower-bedecked swings in the rafters and lower them down to rapturous applause whenever it's time for another statue. (This should not take away from the fact that all accolades of this sort are pretty richly deserved. And a sidebar: Up?)

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING


Avatar

The Hurt Locker

Inglourious Basterds

Star Trek

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen [Harsh, disapproving sigh.]

UTTERLY UNFOUNDED NERDSNUB
NASTINCHKA: Glad to see Star Trek finally get a technical bone thrown their way, but you're really telling me 2012 couldn't have been slotted in in place of Michael Bay's Racist RobotRama?

WINNER: Avatar.

BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM

The Door

Instead of Abracadabra

Kavi

Miracle Fish

The New Tenants

LIVIA: I've actually heard of The Door, and like 78% of Academy voters, I haven't seen or heard of the other four.
NASTINCHKA: Instead of Abracadabra is the only one I've laid eyes on. We are totally qualified for voting membership at this point. (It's a good flick, too.)

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM


French Roast

Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty

The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)

Logorama

A Matter of Loaf and Death

NASTINCHKA: Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty is ... not good. (Brought to you by Beef O'Brady's?) And A Matter of Loaf and Death is an excellent title, but I'm going with Lady and the Reaper.
LIVIA: I would like "La Dama y la Muerte" carved into a wooden sign and placed over my classroom door. I would also like to say that Wallace & Gromit will win, but I'm actually going with Logorama.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT


China's Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
LIVIA: Is it terrible that this title made me laugh? I'm not kidding. It actually made me giggle. Is this better or worse than watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV to feel good about the fact that you aren't in their shoes? I need some perspective here.


The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
NASTINCHKA: Assisted suicide doesn't really strike me as the sort of subject matter that can be adequately handled in a short doc.


The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
NASTINCHKA: Working title, "I Got Dirt On My Blue Collar."


Music by Prudence
NASTINCHKA: Missed this one, but she looks sweet.


Rabbit a la Berlin
LIVIA: Imagine the plethora of jokes I could have made here, and admire my restraint.



WINNER: China's Unnatural Disaster.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE


Burma VJ
LIVIA: I don't know why this title immediately made me envision a cool, laid-back cobra with hipster hair posing behind a turn table (how does he scratch the records with no hands? I DON'T KNOW, GET OFF ME), but it did, and I liked it.
NASTINCHKA: I have nothing to add to this assessment.


 Continue reading "BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE"

BEST DIRECTOR

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

LIVIA: Kathryn Bigelow deserves an Oscar for the unfathomable restraint she has had in dealing with ex-husband James Cameron during this awards season.
NASTINCHKA: Kathryn Bigelow is a goddamn American hero, and every time someone calls Nancy Meyers the pinnacle of American women directors, I make it my personal business to place my foot on that person's throat. Win. Please, please win.

Continue reading "BEST DIRECTOR"

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN

On these, we speak as one. One angry.

Bright Star
Oh WOW, they put Abbie Cornish in some rose-colored 1800's gowns! It's revolutionary! GNNNNNNNNNNNN.


Coco Before Chanel
You guys!! AUDREY TATOU is wearing well-tailored grey and black tones and fetching modified top hats!


The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Y'ALL WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS, but Johnny Depp is wearing CRAZY CLOTHES that don't make any SENSE!


Nine
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD? PENELOPE CRUZ WEARING A CORSET AND THIGH-HIGHS AND PRANCING LIKE A WHORE?


The Young Victoria
In a stunning departure from normal Oscar bait, the Academy nominated a film for crafting lush Victorian-era pageantry.

VERDICT: No matter who wins, we lose. Young Victoria.

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY

Avatar

LIVIA: Look for Cameron to clean up on these awards, because he won't be winning Best Picture or Best Director. The last 45 minutes of the film alone pretty much locked up this Oscar.
NASTINCHKA: This movie is pure cinematography. It is a swoops-based life form, and that's not meant as a detraction, because that's clearly exactly what Cameron set out to do.

Continue reading "ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY"

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION

Avatar
NASTINCHKA: Creating a futuristic atmosphere without rendering every frame instantly hokey isn't easy. Much appreciated here.
LIVIA: I'm going to put aside everything else I have to say about this movie and try just to focus on this specific nomination. In terms of art direction, Avatar is a superior film.


 Continue reading "ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION"

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Coraline

LIVIA: This movie was so wonderful. It was all my favorite things: creepy, charming, original, sweet, different...even Teri Hatcher's voice couldn't take me out of it. I adore "Coraline".
NASTINCHKA: Children's movies rarely get made like this anymore, and that's a terrible state of affairs. It's patently unfair that this sinister little gem of a flick has to go up against the Pixar borg.

Continue reading "BEST ANIMATED FEATURE"

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Penelope Cruz, Nine
LIVIA: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. If there was an audience better prepared to like this movie than Jay and me, sitting in a totally empty theatre and eating sea-salt-sprinkled dark chocolate like there was no tomorrow, I would like to hear about it. Instead, the highlight of the film was the 2 minute National Guard propaganda that aired immediately before Nine started. It was a clunky piece of trash totally without merit, and the worst offender was Penelope Cruz. Even Daniel Day-Lewis came out of this one smelling like a turd. Cruz simpered and gyrated her way through the movie like she was a DMV employee by day, chorus member at a community theatre by night.
NASTINCHKA: Livvy and Jay hated Nine so much they convinced me not to see it. They convinced me not to see a big spectacle movie-musical. That's some moving. I have not heard this level of vitriol for a piece of theatre out of either of them since the CBT attempted Buried Child.


 Continue reading "BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE"

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

LIVIA: Oh, Sandra. I really don't know what to say about this nomination. You have brought me so much joy over the years, beginning with your bizarrely compelling performance across from a never-creepier Bill Pullman in While You Were Sleeping. You are glorious, and to be honest, I love you a little. However. That does not mean I will be endorsing you for Oscar gold. If they gave out Oscars for dyeing your hair blonde and acting like a bitch at football games, three ladies on my block would be Academy voters. Color me unimpressed.
NASTINCHKA: This is the only remotely relevant section in which I can point out that the Tuohy's real-life daughter is eons prettier than that tramp-stamped little minx they put in the movie. Who de-hots an Ole Miss cheerleader for filming purposes? If they were going to get one thing right about this festering delta puddle of an adaptation, that one seemed like easy money.

Continue reading "BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE"

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Matt Damon, Invictus
LIVIA: Wait, really? This is an honest moment of confusion, not my usual spiteful bitchery ("Spiteful Bitchery: She Took What She Wanted: The Livia Harlowe Story, next on Lifetime"). Well, this shit isn't going anywhere. Sorry, Matt Damon. You seem like a nice guy.
NASTINCHKA:


 Continue reading "BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE"

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

LIVIA: Bridges is this year's Mickey Rourke, with one key difference; he's actually going to win. He's playing the same kind of role: a lovable loser, way past his prime, who manages to find vestiges of love and redemption through the tender ministrations of a beautiful young indie-film actress. The only thing that separates them is that Jeff Bridges isn't currently walking around Hollywood wearing a suit made of boogers and anaconda skin, spritzing himself with Gary Busey's Eau de Wolfshit Insane.
NASTINCHKA: I hate this kind of movie. Lovable losers are still losers, and as such bore me. I thought The Wrestler was flat and listless outside of the deli scenes, and could sort of care less that Mickey Rourke made whatever kind of comeback, as long as he keeps showing up in the vast array of Sin City sequels sure to drop just ANY DAY NOW. Also never liked The Big Lebowski and resent that references to it may well outlive (abide beyond?) goddamn Anchorman jokes. And yet: despite not playing the President in 10.5, this Bridges has it in the bag.

Continue reading "BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE"

The Oscar Posts.

We're somehow not tired of doing these yet, despite the fact that no year has yet come close to equalling 2007, when Forrest Whitaker came on the blog to accuse Joan of being a racist. Picks will be rolling out between now and the ceremony tomorrow night. Play along if you like. Do not argue with us when we use caps lock.

LIVIA: Brief programming note: I do not recognize the authority of an institution that chooses not to bestow an award upon Sir Ian McKellan for his masterful portrayal of Gandalf, and these Oscar picks should not be seen as my approval of their dastardly and flawed system.

NASTINCHKA: Brief programming note: I spent half of this Oscar year (the good half) away from L.A. and the Arclight and the New Bev and anyplace else that shows good movies at all, and I hate myself for having to watch tiny documentaries on a laptop screen and I missed half the nominees in theaters and I want to die. Also, FUCK YOU TV PEOPLE BRING BACK BILL CONDON. That is all.

Les Digital Vikings sont totes at war

In which Fearless Leader derides Stephen Fry as patron saint, then picks Triscuits as a bastion of Spicy Livin. So, we're obvs still working the kinks out of Season 2. Also, yerba mate is the preserve of douchetwats. This is not up for discussion.

Doug and I cannot stop doing this to each other

Also, this post is probably not about what you thought it would be about. You're welcome.

WE'RE BACK! ISH!

I'm going to spare you the three days of phone calls it took to get my darling MBP returned to me. Just know that I have a brand-new logic board and am resting comfortably with my precious metal critter. What I'm resting without are any of my Final Cut Studio apps, which were somehow updated despite me a) telling the initial agent I didn't want any updates run, and b) leaving a very nice note inside the case asking them not to. I know it's probably part of the job description, but I'm not a pirate. That software's licensed, to me. Problem being: All those licenses are somewhere in Santa Monica, in a studio that likely no longer exists. I found my Photoshop key in my archived work email, but nothing doing for the rest. WHAT THE HELL TO DO.

mothership squared

Final dispatches from the overmothership:

• Herzlich, holla!
• We are become The Quad, previewer of terrible football teams
• HE'SH A GOOD MAN, OFFISHER
• The only way to hear that "Forever" song without copious retching
• I didn't write this, but you should read it.

ha ha, ladies can't take pictures and are consigned to a closet

Knoxville's moved on. Your turn, internet.

Oh, Weezy.

Friend of the program Pat Forde on Brooce:

So it seems fair to ask: Is Pearl a different coach when it's big-game time?

"He just turns red," explained Tennessee forward Wayne Chism.

learnin' burn!

Clay on the "S-A-T!" chants at the UT-UK game: "The great thing about John Calipari is you're not even sure which player those chants are being directed at. And we probably won't even find out for another five years."

mothership, /squared

I think this is everything else I threw at the walls last week at the mothership and mothership-of-mothership. Will be popping in at both this week, assuming I can get to a laptop, since mine has to go back to the Apple hub for doctorin', because the screen is as yellow and unseethruable as my Nalgene bottle OH THE MACMANITY.

• Digital Vikings, featuring BALLS!
• 'Freek explains McCarthyism
• Mack Brown, [clown horn]
• Curling = Sexxxy
• Ha ha, Megan Fox's beaver lost to an actual beaver
• Knowshon, No Peace
• "Leaving us with one question: Exactly what qualifies as disturbing sexuality at a place like Texas A&M?"
• Michigan newspapers need a mommy
• ZOMGshoes

omg.

This could be the entirety of the VMars sequel and it'd make a mint.